It's amazing how, in my head, a beautiful and well-organized life seems like it should be effortless. I know what's important to me--all these goals, all the simple little things I want to infuse into my life. (Now I'm imagining raspberry black tea infusing into a mug of steaming hot water.....mmmmm.) But it's so hard to put all those things into practice. When I focus on one area, others seem to fall by the wayside.
I'm a chronic list-maker, so it's easy to chart out all these little goals my heart wanders after:
- Natural and organic everything. If I were rich I would buy all organic food and go to the market every week....and I would use shampoos and lip balms and sunscreen made from tea tree oil, or honey, or primrose. It's just hard for me to spend $15 on a bottle of shampoo.
- Housewifey stuff. I really, really want to make our house beautiful and live in an uncluttered, clean space. Phil and I take turns with tasks like cooking, doing the dishes, and taking out the trash, but I don't think he shares my (hypothetical) excitement about all this domestic stuff. Maybe someday I'll actually be well-organized enough to get one step ahead.....who knows.
- Writing. This is what I've loved since before kindergarten. Someday I want to make an income from fiction writing or freelance editing or some combination of the two. But even if there's no pay-off, it's just something my soul loves--it's frustrating when everything else seems to get in the way.
- Being healthy. Phil helps me limit pop and junk food a lot more than I used to, and we are trying to stay in shape together--but I still feel frustrated whenever I eat too much, or skip exercise. Ugh. Our bodies are like a temple, and I really don't want to fill mine with trash.
- Music. I have these dreams of Phil and I writing songs together whenever we feel like it, playing at coffee shops, worshiping together all the time. And it does happen, but I just wish it could happen more, because I love it so much! But there aren't that many hours in the day.
- Friends. Friends. More friends. I'm a hardcore introvert and have trouble with larger groups--my favorite thing is to hang out in smaller groups, or just individually, and truly get to know people. Maybe have them over for dinner or go out for coffee. But there are maybe 20 people I feel this way out . . . eeek. So many awesome people and not enough time. (I know . . . excuses, excuses.)
- Art. I've been doing some acrylic painting, and I'm full of craft ideas (thanks in part to Pinterest), and I've been wanting to take a watercolor class . . . someday. Maybe soon.
It all sounds nice. But obviously, life is full of other things, like working and paying off student loans and saving to go back to school and budgeting in case we decide to get a house someday. And I am INCREDIBLY blessed that I even have the privilege to try and balance all these hobbies, these goals and passions. I recognize that this isn't something I've earned--it's been given to me as a gift, totally undeserved.
When I create art or take good care of my home, when I make healthy choices or spend time with friends, I want to invite God into every single one of those moments and thank him for it. I want my whole life to be infused by him--so that even if I don't have time for everything on my "extras" list, I can rest in the Spirit.
